And that’s another semester done with.
I only enrolled in the one unit as I’d chosen the rather intense introduction to biological chemistry. Juggling that and another unit between work would have been a precarious balancing act which I probably wouldn’t have survived.
Although it has no bearing on my geology degree at all I wanted to expand my knowledge about chemistry further. It’s given me a great deal of insight into the fascinating chemical factory that is our bodies. It’s good to be able to understand what happens inside us on the molecular level, beyond the vague notion of a simple name of a metabolic process. The intricate complexity (not to mention possibilities) of it all is humbling, and it amazes me that as organisms we have developed to this point. Similarly the history behind the experimental processes that lead us to where we are today in terms of knowledge is incredible.
It also played havoc with my inner hypochondriac. Throughout the course I came out of lectures convinced that I had the following diseases: Cancer, diabetes, heart disease, a pair of failing kidneys and several extra chromosomes.
Despite doing very well on assessments during the semester I choked on the exam quite badly with a severe bout of anxiety. Trying to interpret answers with the constant need to urinate is not easy, and I blanked helplessly. I left ~70% of the ‘long’ answers blank, and then helpfully remembered all information once I left the examination room. I find it infuriating that I scored less on the unit than other people, when it’s clear that I have more knowledge about it than them. It’s insightful at least, in that I figure I’ll look into medicating myself for exams in the future to avoid a repeat of that.
I guess the entire unit did badly and was bumped up in score though, because I managed to score a pass in the end.
Despite all that my applications to University of Queensland and Griffith University have been rejected, and while I didn’t get an offer from QUT in the first round of offers, I still might get a place in the second round in the middle of this month. I can’t say that I’m too optimistic, and the energy and excitement I was channeling in the move has been severely diminished, but I reenrolled at UWA to go full time next semester if it falls through.
This won’t be an ideal situation for me. I want to start living my life with Atpaw rather than having to defer it for another half year. I’ve also been looking forward to the interstate move as some kind of cathartic process in building a different life for myself. I haven’t really been enjoying my current surroundings for the last couple of years. I loathe the constant feeling that I’ve had my two friends stolen from me. I hate seeing those friendships enjoyed by random strangers. Trying to maintain an inter-continental friendship is about as effective as trying to do the same with a relationship. The whole thing makes me feel abandoned, mocked and foolish.
I don’t like feeling that way, and the hatred that it generates. It erodes my self worth and drops me over and over into the depths of depression which I continually have to draw myself out of. The struggle of it all is mentally exhausting.
I’m finding the furry fandom in general is becoming increasingly unsatisfying. As I detailed back in April after returning from FurDU, it’s not something that resonates well with me anymore. I like my artwork and commissions, and I love my furry pornography, but a majority of the extended social aspect is disappointing. After a string of attempts to contribute or approaching people resulting in a null response I’m thinking that it’s time I focus my interests elsewhere. (Regardless of how dull other parties find them)
On that note, I’ve been dabbling in geology when I can, delving through my text books and trying to keep on top of things while I’ve been away from that academic side of things for the last year. I take a fair bit of pride in being able to interpret the physical landscape around me, to discern what has happened over the millions of years. I'm still learning, but it's like I'm privy to this great big secret that's in plain sight to everyone else. Layers upon layers of history that make up a dynamic planet.
I’ve been doing a few chemistry experiments with some of my rock samples and it’s been great fun. I’ve found a website which supplies laboratory equipment and I’m hoping to set up something a little more formal once I move, which doesn’t use pint glasses and scotch tumblers for volumetric flasks and beakers.
Regardless of what happens, I’m looking forward to getting back into my rocks for 2013.